This site was born from a desire to heal myself, educate myself and others and comfort those who suffer from any type of mental illness. Although I don’t claim to know all there is, in my life I have been through and experienced others mental health ups and downs. I am passionate about spreading the word of mental health awareness in an effort to de-stigmatize the silence of what I feel needs to be a full blown awareness campaign. I welcome others to share their thoughts and feelings and also correct me if I’m wrong.
I am in fact bipolar. And, as many other fortunate bipolar-ians, I have additional co morbid labels such as anxiety, severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder. But I try to view these as gifts (to be explained in a later page), they can often bring challenges that can all too often take control of my life. So I have learned through many trials my limits as to what I am capable of doing.
My Family
I am a mom of three awesome children. They are caring, giving, understanding and patient. Without my children, grandchildren and the awesome extended family that comes with that, my life would be very different and I most likely would not be writing.
I have not gotten here because of a wonderful past. All of this is dedicated to my family and friends, living and deceased who without your support and love I could not see this through.
My Family
I am a mom of five awesome children and a few of them share the gift and burden from the help of genetics. I have a wonderful, caring, giving, understanding, patient husband that I consider my soul-mate and know that not only were we together in other lives, but that we will continue to share our souls in more lives to come. Without him, my children and the awesome extended family that comes with that, my life would be so much different and I most likely would not be writing.
I have not gotten here because of a wonderful past. All of this is dedicated to my family and friends, living and deceased who without your support and love I could not see this through.
The End Leads To The Beginning
January 1, 2014…..the day my family will remember as infamous. My husband, Jerry, and children’s father committed suicide on December 29th, 2013 late the previous evening and passed around 4:00 am. He was 55. I discovered him on January 1, 2014. We were separated and he was living in an apartment.
Jerry was plagued by many mental health demons. As were his other six living siblings, nine children in all. Two passed early in their lives. One categorized as crib death at age six months, the other was a pool drowning at eighteen months. The seven remaining children endured mental abuse from their father and their mother was passive aggressive suffering from severe depression and undiagnosed Bipolar disorder. She committed suicide after her husband, Ray, left her for another woman. Grief from the loss of her two children, the pressures of raising the others on her own and the abandonment of her perceived soul mate took its toll. Resulting in taking a shotgun to her head in the kitchen, April 27, 1972. Her son and my husband who was thirteen at the time, in addition to his brothers, found her there after coming home from school. Some of the other siblings had been living on their own by this point. But the effect for them was the same. Loss, abandonment, anger, fear, confusion. What would happen next and where do they go? So many unanswered questions they had that would never be addressed.
Mental health issues continued for them. Followed by the torment at the hands of their father and the scattered relationships they would endure forever.
At Jerry’s passing, the only sibling suicide, I decided to finally take a stand addressing what I perceived as the problem that causes so many others to suffer a lifelong debilitating illness that sometimes leads to suicide. Here is the excerpt from the speech I delivered at his funeral:
Mental Health. It is largely overlooked by most as one of those illnesses that happen to others. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety and Panic Disorder, Severe Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder. Sadly, they along with many other symptoms are so many others disabilities. For so long I have heard of ‘silent killers’. Referring to heart issues, cancers and others.
But a debilitating mental health disorder truly is a silent killer. There are so many other severe mental health issues I haven’t mentioned…….but all can be just as deadly. And many of them are literally a ‘neurological disorder’. Some piece of the brain is simply not functioning correctly. Just as diabetes and high blood pressure does.
But most people do not have a problem telling others about their diabetes. Or admitting they take medication. And most importantly, most will willingly go to the doctor to seek out help.
I will not let my husbands’ passing go in vain. Many have asked me today…….do you have a charity that you want donations to go to? Yes……I actually do. But it’s not money you can give.
Out of everyone in the room today, each and every one of you will experience a mental health issue. Be it your own, or someone close to you. A patron that walks into a bank, a teacher, the VP of a large business, a veteran or a small child…..who has never known life to be other than what he or she is used to…….because Bipolar Disorder and other mental health issues can and commonly do happen to children. But most view them as ‘troubled, undisciplined kids’.
Folks, there are no ‘bad’ kids. There are kids with issues and they need attention. There are adults who may seem angry to you, but instead….the underlying problem is a mental health issue.
So the next time you order a Coke at the drive-thru, pay for your gas, cross the path of a child throwing a tantrum……….remember, you haven’t walked in their shoes. It’s quite possible that there is actually something wrong and it’s not because of bad parenting.
Relationships…..families……are destroyed by this ‘silent killer’. And if nothing else is remembered by our families’ tragedy, it is that there are others who are walking past you that are carrying the load of this silent killer. Mental health issues should not be some stigma that no one talks about. That is the only way we can put an end to the tragedies of lost marriages, broken homes, veterans of war, and the loss of a child, parent, sibling, friend or spouse.
You can’t solve this with money, but you can start talking about it. Try to reach out to someone. Or if you feel it’s you……please, reach out to a friend, family member or physician. This is a real disease which needs “real” attention.
Today…….”I wish for you – – Comfort on difficult days
Smiles when sadness intrudes — Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to feel your lips, – – Sunsets to warm your heart
Gentle hugs when spirits sag — Friendship to brighten your day
Beauty for your eyes to see – – Confidence for when you doubt
Courage to know yourself — Patience to accept the truth
And love to complete your life.” (unknown)
I believe that everything happens for a reason
And sometimes we may never know what that reason is.
The End Leads To The Beginning
January 1, 2014…..My husband, Jerry, and children’s father committed suicide on December 29th, 2013 late the previous evening and passed around 4:00 am. He was 55. I discovered him on January 1, 2014. We were separated and he was living in an apartment.
Jerry was plagued by many mental health demons. As were his other six living siblings, nine children in all. Two passed early in their lives. One categorized as crib death at age six months, the other was a pool drowning at eighteen months. The seven remaining children endured mental abuse from their father and their mother was passive aggressive suffering from severe depression and undiagnosed Bipolar disorder. She committed suicide after her husband, Ray, left her for another woman. Grief from the loss of her two children, the pressures of raising the others on her own and the abandonment of her perceived soul mate took its toll. Resulting in taking a shotgun to her head in the kitchen, April 27, 1972. Her son and my husband who was thirteen at the time, in addition to his brothers, found her there after coming home from school. Some of the other siblings had been living on their own by this point. But the effect for them was the same. Loss, abandonment, anger, fear, confusion. What would happen next and where do they go? So many unanswered questions they had that would never be addressed.
Mental health issues continued for them. Followed by the torment at the hands of their father and the scattered relationships they would endure forever.
At Jerry’s passing, the only sibling suicide, I decided to finally take a stand addressing what I perceived as the problem that causes so many others to suffer a lifelong debilitating illness that sometimes leads to suicide. Here is the excerpt from the speech I delivered at his funeral:
Mental Health. It is largely overlooked by most as one of those illnesses that happen to others. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety and Panic Disorder, Severe Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder. Sadly, they along with many other symptoms are so many others disabilities. For so long I have heard of ‘silent killers’. Referring to heart issues, cancers and others.
But a debilitating mental health disorder truly is a silent killer. There are so many other severe mental health issues I haven’t mentioned…….but all can be just as deadly. And many of them are literally a ‘neurological disorder’. Some piece of the brain is simply not functioning correctly. Just as diabetes and high blood pressure does.
But most people do not have a problem telling others about their diabetes. Or admitting they take medication. And most importantly, most will willingly go to the doctor to seek out help.
I will not let my husbands’ passing go in vain. Many have asked me today…….do you have a charity that you want donations to go to? Yes……I actually do. But it’s not money you can give.
Out of everyone in the room today, each and every one of you will experience a mental health issue. Be it your own, or someone close to you. A patron that walks into a bank, a teacher, the VP of a large business, a veteran or a small child…..who has never known life to be other than what he or she is used to…….because Bipolar Disorder and other mental health issues can and commonly do happen to children. But most view them as ‘troubled, undisciplined kids’.
I believe there are no ‘bad’ kids. There are kids with issues and they need attention. There are adults who may seem angry to you, but instead….the underlying problem is a mental health issue.
So the next time you order a Coke at the drive-thru, pay for your gas, cross the path of a child throwing a tantrum……….remember, you haven’t walked in their shoes. It’s quite possible that there is actually something wrong and it’s not because of bad parenting.
Relationships…..families……are destroyed by this ‘silent killer’. And if nothing else is remembered by our families’ tragedy, it is that there are others who are walking past you that are carrying the load of this silent killer. Mental health issues should not be some stigma that no one talks about. That is the only way we can put an end to the tragedies of lost marriages, broken homes, veterans of war, and the loss of a child, parent, sibling, friend or spouse.
You can’t solve this with money, but you can start talking about it. Try to reach out to someone. Or if you feel it’s you……please, reach out to a friend, family member or physician. This is a real disease which needs “real” attention.
Today…….”I wish for you – – Comfort on difficult days
Smiles when sadness intrudes — Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to feel your lips, – – Sunsets to warm your heart
Gentle hugs when spirits sag — Friendship to brighten your day
Beauty for your eyes to see – – Confidence for when you doubt
Courage to know yourself — Patience to accept the truth
And love to complete your life.” (unknown)
I believe that everything happens for a reason
And sometimes we may never know what that reason is.